A place where I can express some of my thoughts and fantasies about gender transformation. There are blogs out there about Crossdreaming, and there are blogs about TG porn fantasies: this is where they intersect. In the online Crossdreaming community, I'm like the class clown who somehow got placed in the Honor's Class, and no one's sure she should be there.
I've wanted to. I've tried several times. I'm just at a loss for words to express how this little cap makes me feel and think.
I'd know I need to put that cup down. That my old life was falling apart. The man who I was, now missing, his family, career, commitments all needed me back. Each day I waited, recovery would be more difficult. The absence harder to explain. When would it become impossible?
But the addict in me? What about that? That was a part of that man too. Maybe the most real part of all.
As the ceramic touches my lips, I think, "this is the last time."
I really, really liked this because I often think about the psychology of my desires and try to get to to root of them and my own self image. This hit a chord with me, somewhat similar to a fic I'm writing for a long form Forum RP where a man meets his anima in a dream, a scene that affected me very emotionally after I wrote it:
"Alright, alright," he agreed. "One question before we do this. Why are you so different from me?"
"We are not that different." She raised an eyebrow at him.
"You are so beautiful and outgoing and alive and I am so..." he waved at himself and shrugged.
At this, she looked genuinely sad. "Come here." She wrapped her arms around him and looked down at him. "You were always beautiful. I'm sorry you didn't realize it as a man. I'll make sure you realize it as a woman." He hugged her silently, then realized they were both starting to fade.
getting used to the status quo. In this case, it's hard to give up what you get used to.
ReplyDeleteI think it would be the life attached to the man and not the maleness I would worry about.
ReplyDeleteI've wanted to. I've tried several times. I'm just at a loss for words to express how this little cap makes me feel and think.
ReplyDeleteI'd know I need to put that cup down. That my old life was falling apart. The man who I was, now missing, his family, career, commitments all needed me back. Each day I waited, recovery would be more difficult. The absence harder to explain. When would it become impossible?
But the addict in me? What about that? That was a part of that man too. Maybe the most real part of all.
As the ceramic touches my lips, I think, "this is the last time."
That's what I was thinking when I did this, JamieLin. I know you've spoken occasionally about trying to quit this. It can seem like an addiction.
ReplyDeleteI really, really liked this because I often think about the psychology of my desires and try to get to to root of them and my own self image. This hit a chord with me, somewhat similar to a fic I'm writing for a long form Forum RP where a man meets his anima in a dream, a scene that affected me very emotionally after I wrote it:
ReplyDelete"Alright, alright," he agreed. "One question before we do this.
Why are you so different from me?"
"We are not that different." She raised an eyebrow at him.
"You are so beautiful and outgoing and alive and I am so..." he waved at himself and shrugged.
At this, she looked genuinely sad. "Come here." She wrapped her arms around him and looked down at him. "You were always beautiful. I'm sorry you didn't realize it as a man. I'll make sure you realize it as a woman." He hugged her silently, then realized they were both starting to fade.
Thanks so much for your cap!!