I haven't posted anything in a really, really long time.  So, here's a picture of Wonder Woman wearing a pair of Jackie O sunglasses.

A Midsummer Night's Sex Fantasy!

Update

Dr. Davide Dragone & Dr. Luca Savorelli Claim Plus-Size Models Make Women Fat

 

Muahaha!  Soon, ALL girls will be fat-bottomed!  Then, we shall truly witness the rockin' world go 'round!  

 

 

Tan-Lines #5

This is the last of this series.

Tan-Lines #4

Tan-Lines #3

Can you Relate to This?

Tan-Lines #2

Tan-Lines

As we get nearer to summer, I want to talk about tan-lines.  I can remember back in high school, looking through old issues of Playboy with some friends, when one tried to explain that tan-lines were simply a deal-breaker for him.  Of course, I thought he was a) nuts, and b) full of shit.  But, he wouldn't budge on insisting that a woman with tan-lines, was scarcely a woman at all.

"How can you stand to look at it?"

Personally, I've always liked to see them.  When you see that bright white contrast against an otherwise golden body, you're reminded that you're looking at the most private and intimate part of her body.  Tan-lines are like Nature's lingerie.

They're less common now than they were then.  Women who pose nude now are more likely to partake in completely nude tanning, probably in a tanning booth.  If anything, that makes them more attractive to me now; they have a retro charm, like those '60s and '70s models that JamieLin loves so much.  You're much more likely to see tattoos or body-piercings now.  Tan-lines belong to a prettier time.

We'll be seeing more of them in the future, though.  You'll understand why once you read this article that I found*:

*by "found" I mean, made up.

April 16, 2011--SunCo, the nation's largest tanning salon franchise, announced today a plan to attract a new kind of customer to their service:  men who fantasize about being women.

"Crossdreamers," as they are sometimes known, will now be able to realize their gender-bending fantasies, thanks to a new product being marketed exclusively through SunCo franchises.  Bikinis sold at SunCo salons under the name brand "Tan-formers" have the ability to  magically transform a male body to into a female one--but with a catch.  It only works when exposed to UV radiation, and even then, only the radiation coming from a SunCo tanning lamp.

"We're really excited about this new product line," says SunCo CEO Debra Ternsville, "we see this as providing a much-desired service, while also generating a new source of revenue."

Currently, tanning salons represent a multi-billion dollar industry, however, they are not without their challenges.  Accusations of increased risk of skin cancer frighten away many customers.  Many turn to other methods, such as tanning creams, believing these to be a safer alternative.  Some states have even considered adding a tax to salon tanning to discourage excessive use, as they have done with alcohol and tobacco products.

"We've always had male customers, but those were few," Ternsville explained.  "When we learned about the rapidly-growing population of Crossdreamers, we asked ourselves, how can we turn them into customers?"

To accomplish this, SunCo hired a self-professed witch, identified only as Raveena.  "My family has known for years the secret of turning men into women," says Raveena, "but we've always used it mainly as a way to get revenge on cheating husbands and boyfriends.  While we knew there were men who wanted this done to them, we always imagined the number to be so few that it wasn't worth trying to sell it."

As any shrewd businessperson knows, the secret to success lies in repeat business, and SunCo has planned for just that.  Tans-former bikinis are being sold only at SunCo outlets, and will function only with SunCo lamps.  But in addition, once the customer's tan fades, his male body will reappear. This will mean having to return to SunCo to maintain the new female form.
"They'll have to keep coming back," says Ternsville, "that's just how it works. Of course, having to wear the bikini while getting tanned will mean having tan-lines, but we think the customers will come to like that. Our motto for the product is, 'Show off who you are underneath,' which plays on both becoming a different person, and on having these tan-line.  The tan-lines can actually be seen as a kind of 'meter' that lets the customer know when it's time to come back for another session."

SunCo hopes to begin marketing the Tans-former service sometime within the next six months.

Of course, I'll be showing you the advertisements as I create them.  Here's the first:

Painted Toenails

If you follow the news, you're probably aware of the J. Crew ad featuring a mom painting her son's toenails pink.  If you haven't heard, here's a quick summary:

Conservative commentators:  "This is an abomination!"

Everyone else:  "LOL, STFU."

A more thorough exploration of the news can be seen here:

Femulate: Pink Toenails

And here's a picture of the offending ad:

Pictured here:  the reason God will reign fiery vengeance upon our once-pious Nation.

 As for my take on the topic, I believe that everyone is "burying the lead," so to speak.  While debating whether or not painting a little boy's toenails pink can cause long-lasting damage to his psyche, commentators are ignoring the more important issue, which is:  having your toenails painted pink is awesome.

If you're lucky, you'll find someone else who'll paint them for you.  That's hot, as seen in the sexiest movie ever made, and the absolute only context in which sports are even slightly interesting, Bull Durham.

Fact:  Sexiest Movie Ever.

Jon Stewart gets the final word on this subject:

The Daily Show - Toemageddon 2011 - This Little Piggy Went to Hell
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